To be honest, most of these 4 years I have lived my life in emergency mode. I had forgotten what it’s like the have peace. I have listened to my Tanzanian friends and neighbors say “Mungu anajua”, God knows, and I have rolled it off my back.
You see, there is always a problem to solve, a sick kid who needed to get to the hospital, a government official who wanted a little “chai money”, a mama who didn’t know if her children would eat that day, a landlord who wanted to raise our rent, a donor who needed an explanation.
They say Africa is not for the faint of heart for a reason.
Lakini, Mungu anajua. But, God knows.
I hear this phrase constantly. From that same Mama who doesn’t know if her children will eat today? Mungu anajua. The neighbor who knows school fees are due but hasn’t been able to find work in months. Mungu anajua. The parent’s of the sick child who died on the way to the hospital. Mungu anajua. The grieving husband who just lost his wife in childbirth and is left with an infant all on his own? Mungu anajua.
Tanzanian’s are some of the most faith filled people I have ever met. Even when they don’t know, they hold their heads high and say God knows. Mungu anajua. When their stomachs are empty and the sun is high in the sky beating down, they do not give up, they do not surrender. They are not paralyzed with fear and anxiety. They keep going and trust, Mungu anajua. God knows.
These simple little words. Two simple words. Words I have shrugged off and rolled my eyes at. Because they aren’t that simple. They are hard. To say God knows is to admit I don’t. I am not in control. I don’t know what will happen next. I have been learning to accept it even if I don’t understand. I am learning that I can be content in it because, Mungu anajua. I can find peace because, Mungu anajua.
Not that I have this all figured out. I think in my four years in Tanzania I am just barely skimming the tip of the iceberg. I am just starting to open my clenched fists and let Him be in control. I am learning to let go. I am entrusting my heart, my family, my work to Him, even if it means not knowing what the future holds because He knows. Mungu anajua.