I feel like I am watching as everyone’s lives continue. Friends get married, have babies, get new jobs, and grow older. Meanwhile, I am halfway around the world, alone. I’ve never been good at keeping in touch, I suppose that is the bulk of it. But even with all the technology available, there is nothing quite like sitting around a table, sharing a meal. Or having a night of soaking in the presence of the Lord and sharing what we’ve all been learning. Or laughing until our stomachs hurt while just lying around on the floor.
I miss doing life with you. I miss doing “normal” life.
But I can’t leave. I know I can’t. I know God has even bigger plans than I can even wrap my mind around. I know that my heart is here just as much as it is there. I know that every time I hold a crying child, or kiss an ouchie, or read a story, that I am doing exactly what God has for me right now. And each night when I crawl under my mosquito net and nearly collapse exhausted, I know I am fulfilling the passions he has put in my heart. With each dream of what’s to come, I know I’m here for a while. And, truly, I am excited.
But to be honest with each dream of what’s to come, I’m more and more afraid. Sometimes I can’t even wrap my mind around all the things the Lord is putting on my heart. I feel frozen. It’s like everything is just outside my arms reach. My heart is so full, my dreams are so big, and I know I just need to trust Him. But will you pray with me that He will put the people in place that I need to make these dreams real? I want to share them all with you, but I still feel it’s too early… which makes it even harder. So I’m sorry for lack of updates on my end, I’m working on “African time” which means everything will get “done” eventually…
I guess this is just me trying to put into words (again) this constant battle of loving/living two places. I’m not sure my heart will ever quite figure out which place is really “home” and maybe that’s okay. I just know that I have never ever quite felt so torn. And I want you to know is, if you’re reading this, I probably miss you, and if you wanted to write me and tell me how you’re doing that would be swell.