When God says “Not yet”

barakaMy little blessing… how quickly you’ve come into my life and stolen my heart for good. Even as I start to write this my eyes well up with tears. I know this is good, it is so good. A family wants to adopt you. In as little as 6 months you could be going home. Home home. With parents who will love you and cherish you. You will be theirs. And I know this is good. Very good. But my heart is breaking.

Sometimes in life God says not yet. I want to be Baraka’s mother. With every fiber of my being I want it. But God has said,  “not yet. Not this one. Love him while he’s here. Love him with every ounce of love you have and then love some more. Because I will give you My love for him.”

I cherish each moment. Each smile. Each locked gaze over a bottle. Each giggle. Each attempt at lifting your head. Each time you trust as I help you stand. I look forward to when you roll over. To your first word. The first time you sit up. The first time you hold your head yourself. The first time you stand. If I am blessed to see these things know that I will cherish them, and hold them in my heart.

You are getting stronger every day. You’re gaining weight and filling out. There is so much hope in your eyes. You eyes which once sat deep in your face, empty and with so little life. They are filled with life, and hope and love. And I know God has huge plans for your life.

So, my little blessing, let’s make the most of each day we have left. I hope that when you are big and strong and grown up, God will remind you of the time we spent together. That when you were at Neema you were loved. You were cherished. You were not forgotten and cast aside. You were home, even if it was temporary.

You are loved so very much.


2 thoughts on “When God says “Not yet”

  1. Pingback: Arrivals and Departures | Send Kelly

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